Alice

Part I.

Down, down, down.

I fall into this abyss they dare call a world 

and ceaselessly grapple for something 

to hold onto.

Down, down, down.

Once, twice, no--thrice, do I hold out my hand 

and reach for nothing.

Nothing.

It's been two decades. My suspended soul has 

grown accustomed to the nothingness 

within and without.

With my heart in my hand 

and my mind in my chest,

I traverse and triumph this abyss

until---

Thump.

I hit something.

I can't see what it is (for my eyes have long ago been 

blinded by the dark), 

but I can feel it.

I know it's there, but what it is 

and what it's not, no name can be given.

Down, down, down.

All I know is this:

Every single part of me aches.

Tossing and turning, tossing and turning.

It pierces me and leaves me cold,

cold and thirsting for thine own blood;

crying and moaning

resigning to half-breaths 

and the sighs of the wind 

And yet, after the purge,

I seem to vanish into the air, the dust, 

the walls, the books, the little trinkets 

here and there

They cease to be, and be to cease.

I am who I am.

Who am I?

Am I?

Down, down, down,

into this hell of a rabbit hole. 

Part II.

Down, down, down. 

Unending episodes of thoughts that 

fall from my head 

and into my hands

My hands

They do not know love from life 

life from love 

and the nuances 

that prance upon the hands of time

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Down, down, down.

The rabbit is late, and so am I.

Here's a gold watch, he says.

With it, every second is in your control.

Why thank you, I smiled 

and politely curtsied.

One, two, three...

Down, down, down.

I breathe in and out, in and out 

with every passing hour 

our hearts are fragile and frantic, 

I've wondered

Can gold assert itself?

A-running, a-running! 

go the two in tow

lapses are tugged 

by one or the other 

neither one gaining nor losing

Wait a second--

seconds pass 

Pass in moments, in laughter, in pain 

in pain--

I let love and life into the hands of time.

Down, down, down.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

My fingers have stopped counting.